40 Hilarious Quotes From The Most Famous People (2024)

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“People say, ‘But Betty, Facebook is a great way to connect with old friends.’ Well, at my age, if I want to connect with old friends I need a Ouija board.”
—Betty White

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“The downside of my celebrity is that I cannot go anywhere in the world without being recognized. It is not enough for me to wear dark sunglasses and a wig. The wheelchair gives me away.”
― Stephen Hawking

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“I’m not offended by blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb…and I also know that I’m not blonde.” —Dolly Parton

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“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.”– Jim Carey

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“The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.”
— Tom Clancy

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“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”
—Jack Handey

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“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.” —Albert Einstein

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When Mick Jagger insisted that his wrinkles were actually laugh lines, jazz singer George Melly replied, “Surely nothing could be that funny.”

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“I’m sure wherever my Dad is, he’s looking down on us. He’s not dead, just very condescending.” —Jack Whitehall

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“This book was written using 100% recycled words.”
― Terry Pratchett, Wyrd Sisters

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“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.” —Will Ferrell

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“He’s always asking: ‘Is that new? I haven’t seen that before.’ It’s like, Why don’t you mind your own business? Solve world hunger. Get out of my closet.”
― Michelle Obama

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"The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him."
— Oscar Wilde

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"A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” ― Bob Hope

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“There is nothing so annoying as to have two people go right on talking when you're interrupting.“– Mark Twain

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“People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” —Isaac Asimov

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“Friends are people who know you really well and like you anyway.“ — Greg Tamblyn

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“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.”— Winnie the Pooh

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“Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.” – Groucho Marx

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“I have noticed that even people who claim everything is pre­determined and that we can do nothing to change it look before they cross the road.”
— Stephen Hawking

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"The trouble with having an open mind is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it."— Terry Pratchett

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A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.”
—Graham Norton

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"When you meet somebody for the first time, you’re not meeting them. You’re meeting their representative."
― Chris Rock.

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“To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.”
― Steven Wright

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“I love deadlines, I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” – Douglas Adams

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“Life isn't a fairy tale. If you lose a shoe at midnight, you're drunk.”
― Darynda Jones

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“Friends are God’s way of apologizing to us for our families.” —Anonymous

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“I asked my brother-in-law, the father of four boys, ‘If you had it to do all over again, would you still have kids?’ ‘Yes,’ he said. ‘Just not these four.’”
— Sheila Lee

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“Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.” —Paula Poundstone

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"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."
— Steve Martin

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“Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.”—Oscar Wilde

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“The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.”
—Zach Galifianakis

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”Never doubt the courage of the French. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible.”— Doug Larson

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“When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.“ — George Burns

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"I don't need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me."
― Stephen Fry

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“You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.”
—Joan Rivers

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“If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.” —George Carlin

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“I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
—Noel Coward

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“Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.’”
—Steven Wright

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"Confidence is 10% work and 90% delusion.” — Tina Fey

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Note: this post originally had 170 images. It’s been shortened to the top 40 images based on user votes.

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I'm Neilas, Content Production Manager for Bored Panda in the Home & Design category. In this role, I try to ensure the quality of our articles to bring the best possible web surfing experience to our readers. I love a well-structured, informative, and illustrative article, whether it's for design ideas, gardening solutions, or cute dogs and cats. I made it my mission to ensure our readers get to experience the same thing. As for my personal interests, I produce music, sometimes go out and take pictures of nice stuff, and have petrol running through my veins. I'm an avid fan of Formula 1 and Motorsport in general, taking every chance I get to burn some rubber at local go-cart tracks. Of course, movies, gaming, and racing simulators are a big part of my daily life, too.

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Saimonas is a list curator at Bored Panda with BA in Multimedia. Saimonas has mainly worked as a freelance graphic designer, illustrator and finds joy in anything related to visual arts.

Justė is a copywriter here at Bored Panda, and though her studies at the Veterinary Academy seemingly have nothing to do with writing, the passion for animals and nature helps in creating the most interesting and engaging posts. She also works with Search Engine Optimization, so you could find Bored Panda's articles easier.Justė's not only an avid equestrian, but she's also a walking encyclopedia. Ask her anything!

Having started as a content creator that made articles for Bored Panda from scratch I climbed my way up to being and editor and then had team lead responsibilities added as well. So it was a pretty natural transition from writing articles and titles as well as preparing the visual part for the articles to making sure others are doing those same tasks as I did before well, answering their questions and guiding them when needed.

Saulė is a photo editor at Bored Panda with bachelor's degree in Multimedia and Computer Design. The thing that relaxes her the best is going into YouTube rabbit hole. In her free time she loves painting, embroidering and taking walks in nature.